I remember taken a million personality tests in college. Why? who knows, but I always loved all of them. I always was like " thats totally me" with the results. One of my favorite tests told you what areas you should work in. It was presented in this strange pie chart, but what I concluded from mine is that I could be a Nun that works at one of those Convents out in the woods that makes chocolate! haha And I was like AWESOME. To be fair it said I would be good at jobs connected to "religion", "forestry" , and "culinary arts" . See how I got my conclusion though!?
I realized the other nite, when this girl was talking about how stupid the test was and how she was not what it said; that really most people do not know themselves. I have always had a deep desire to know WHY I do what I do, and while I will admit to not always having good "self-judgement"; I do for the most part know WHY I am the way I am. I've accept the good in myself and I've tried to work hard on the "bad" or "weak" areas of my life. I think its important to have a healthy self awareness, esp when it comes to our weaknesses. When I say weakness I don't mean "self esteem issues", I'm talking about how I have the tendency to get frustrated with things quickly b/c I don't like goals, nor do I posses patience! haha Or how I can be so "sure" in my ideas and opinions I intimate others. Now sometimes I read those "weakness" sections and I'm like " thats a weakness???" oops! Sometimes I think our backgrounds and our survival moods affect these areas, but what do I know.
Its hard for people to accept who they are, and while part of me understands that, part of me is totally confused. I realized thats why I intimidate people sometimes with my personality, b/c I know who I am and I'm happy with me. Three times in the last year I have had women older then me say that I am one of the most "comfortable in my own skin women" they know. Each time I've heard it, it surprises me. One of the ladies caught the surprised looked on my face and said " do you think thats not so?" I was like " O no I mean its true." I think my surprise comes from the fact that its older women telling me this and the fact that they don't know tons of older women that are "comfortable in their own skin". I say it surprises me, but it also makes me sad.
I use to think "being comfortable in ones skin", meant having a good body image. Which I've always fought with. To be quite honest I don't know really any women that are "comfortable" in that area. Even my cute skinny friends wish their boobs were bigger or something. Its sad really. But the good news IS that the two "skins" are not one.... well I guess one could argue on a certain level that they affect each other. I would agree with that. Truly, for me to know that I am God's precious daughter is really what allows me to be comfortable.
I know there is always "talk" at church and women's retreat about being " God's daughters" and images of clouds and little fat baby angels flying around with pink ribbons or flowers in their hair come to mind. HAHA I have never been comfortable with that image, and I think the reason is its SO OVER THERE... its not now. Its heaven, its once your dead and have lived all ur years with fear and self doubt surrounding you.
I want to be a "daughter of God's" TODAY! Now!!! Its this moment in life that I need to know and understand that I matter, that I am loved and that there is a GREAT purpose for my life!
Too often I fear Christians live in the "hope" for a better tomorrow, really meaning heaven.
I was talking at Younglife the other day about how Jesus came to give us an abundant life! A full life! how he came to heal the sick, he loved the outcasts, touched the untouchable, gave sight to the blind, and forgave sins. I said "Jesus is not a train ticket sales man for Heave, HE IS FOR TODAY!" I really believe this, I fail to live it many times, but I try. I have faith that TODAY matters! and that in today God is whispering words of Love, Truth and Strength to me.
So really in the end I guess I'm comfortable in my skin b/c I know WHY I do what I do and I know WHO I was created to be... even if I'm still figuring out HOW to be her.
