A changed heart...

I spent the last two weeks in Kenya with a group of Americans who came to serve kids at a few orphnages and to serve YL leaders. It was an amazing trip. I made some new friends, and really enjoyed EVERYONE on the trip. But I realized something, I'm not excited about having to move back to the States. And let me clarify this thought was NOT brought up "b/c they were so American, or said dumb things..." or things like that.  It was a silent commuication, it was a mind set, it was the importance of decisions. I know this doesn't make sense to  my friends ( you americans) and I need you to understand its not a judgement call or anything bad, its just that my heart has been changed. Its the fact that I love living in different cultures, I hear God clearer, I am aware of how much I NEED him , I FEEL and love the pain that comes with discomfort and uncertianity.... b/c then I can't become numb to what God is working to change in me.  

For ME there is a fear of what living in the States will do to my soul, I know it will be hard still,  just different.  I took a vow in college that I would never have the "American dream", that I would not let comfortability steal me away from the dreams Jesus had placed in my heart. I knew I was created for more then "just living my life".  I made this vow to a friend, with her... she is in the States and I have seen the struggle its been for her to keep that vow, to even see the vaule in it.... to still want that.  I fear that for my life...... I don't need to be "in a hard place" for Jesus... Just WHERE HE WANTS ME TO BE....