satisfied

Today was one of those days when I was reminded how "its all been worth it"... it was my birthday. As I reflected over my 28 years of life , during my 2 hour power black out (O Africa) tonight, I came to the conclusion that I was very satisfied with my life, and that if I died tomorrow I would be a happy women. I have had this moment of "satisfaction" come up at two other points in my life. The first was when I went to Cambodia with YL and knew that God was up to something and that he was using my life to really show my YL girls what LIVING for him meant.... The next time it happened was at the YL End of the year leader's picnic , where it was my last year volunteering with YL in the OC. There my area director, the AMAZING Kristy Fox, said that over my 6 years of YL in the OC I had " impacted hundreds of kids lives"...

The reason these two moments had such a HUGE impact on me, was well because I know I'm messed up. I know that I have issues, that I am a broken soul, that I am (always it seems) in need of Jesus' healing hand. And in those two moments I realized that Jesus was using me in big ways, even as a broken person.

Now if I was giving someone a pep talk, or a talk for YL, I would of course make clear that EVERYONE is broken and messed up! And God wants to use everyone... I believe that. I know it to be true in my own life.... BUT I still find it amazing! I am still in awe when I get to see things from the "outside" and see JUST how much, and how many people Jesus has used me to touch with his LOVE and JOY.

Today on my 28th bday, as I celebrate it in Africa, in my 3rd year of living here, and in my last 5 months of living here... I see that ALL of it has been worth it. All of these last 2 and 1/2 years of tears, pain, rejection, forced growth and painful realizations.... All of it God has used to bring my ministry- HIS ministry to this point. That the depth of TRUST and LOVE I have with kids and people in the community is ALL because of what He's been doing in me and through me... It is amazing.

Please don't get me wrong I'm not bragging... I'm just in awe once again how Jesus can use a messed up ,selfish person like me to be his hands and feet to hurting, empty people...

Thank you Jesus for inviting me to be apart of your plans, your moments of healing, love and grace in the communities and lives around me... Thank you for allowing me to represent you in my 28 years here on this earth ( more importantly the last 12 in ministry) You are truly a God that can do the IMPOSSIBLE!

So tonight before I go to bed I just wanted to say I am deeply satisfied with life, and ALL that Jesus is doing with it.