It started the other day when I was outside under my avocado tree... I was looking up at it... and all of a sudden I was seeing a redwood tree in my mind. Umm I'm trying to explain this without sounding crazy... it wasn't anything crazy. Its like when you take a picture of two things that are similar yet different and put them side by side... its like my mind is doing that to my surroundings and what it's comparing things against, are memories of things at home in NorCal. Its strange and un-welcomed. Like tonight I was having my Homegroup over and in the middle of bible study I look up at my living room light, and there it is the light in my mothers living room... This is like the 3rd or 4th time its happened in the last week... Its already hard enough trying to be PRESENT in a place where everyday someone new finds out I'm leaving in July, or reminds me " O it will be so sad when ur not here..." or so on... I am living in transition and I haven't even really begun to transition! AHHHHH 5 months of this and then the actually transition to the States takes place! ahhhh
It's strange b/c if you asked I'd tell you "I love new things and I welcome change "... but I'm finding out that statement has its limits. I love new things and change AFTER the transition or if their small... or an escape... I'm not afraid of change, it just makes me tired.
When I'm at school with the kids is the only place I feel at "PEACE" right now. Where my mind isn't jumbling up things and making me see double. It's the place where I see purpose and HOPE, and Jesus the most right now.
Today some of the girls and I were sitting around and Aika brought out her guitar. I have this habit of taking it and singing improv songs to the girls... my skills are amazing! HAHA today Nancy and Aika both played the guitar and sang back up to my crazy on the spot songs... which were AMAZING! we are official a band now, name: SOY LATTE.... I'm "Foam-a", Aika is " Express-a" and Nancy " Milky-Mix".... we laughed so hard, and had so much fun... I walked home at 6pm with a huge smile on my face and laughter kept escaping my mouth... I want to stay present in these moments , b/c there what matters most!
Insights into the heart and mind of a overthinker... whose heart is too emotional for her head to understand sometimes...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Seeing double...
It started the other day when I was outside under my avocado tree... I was looking up at it... and all of a sudden I was seeing a redwood tree in my mind. Umm I'm trying to explain this without sounding crazy... it wasn't anything crazy. Its like when you take a picture of two things that are similar yet different and put them side by side... its like my mind is doing that to my surroundings and what it's comparing things against, are memories of things at home in NorCal. Its strange and un-welcomed. Like tonight I was having my Homegroup over and in the middle of bible study I look up at my living room light, and there it is the light in my mothers living room... This is like the 3rd or 4th time its happened in the last week... Its already hard enough trying to be PRESENT in a place where everyday someone new finds out I'm leaving in July, or reminds me " O it will be so sad when ur not here..." or so on... I am living in transition and I haven't even really begun to transition! AHHHHH 5 months of this and then the actually transition to the States takes place! ahhhh
It's strange b/c if you asked I'd tell you "I love new things and I welcome change "... but I'm finding out that statement has its limits. I love new things and change AFTER the transition or if their small... or an escape... I'm not afraid of change, it just makes me tired.
When I'm at school with the kids is the only place I feel at "PEACE" right now. Where my mind isn't jumbling up things and making me see double. It's the place where I see purpose and HOPE, and Jesus the most right now.
Today some of the girls and I were sitting around and Aika brought out her guitar. I have this habit of taking it and singing improv songs to the girls... my skills are amazing! HAHA today Nancy and Aika both played the guitar and sang back up to my crazy on the spot songs... which were AMAZING! we are official a band now, name: SOY LATTE.... I'm "Foam-a", Aika is " Express-a" and Nancy " Milky-Mix".... we laughed so hard, and had so much fun... I walked home at 6pm with a huge smile on my face and laughter kept escaping my mouth... I want to stay present in these moments , b/c there what matters most!
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