AHhh I can't stop!

I don't know what happened to me! that chemical that ur brain releases when your full has stopped working! I think it's the stress... but I will eat dinner and be TOTALLY full and my mouth just keeps wanting more... NEEDLESS to say this is not a good thing! I just spend months losing 15 lbs... and I gained some back in the US ( shocking-not) and I am NOT ABOUT to get fat again b/c I'm stressed! AHHHHHHHHHH so frustrating! I'd like to take this moment and state that while I'm NOT endorsing eating disorders.... i just wish my response in time of stress was to NOT eat instead of OVER eating! ahhhhh But the truth is this isn't my normal stress "go-to" I normally clean like a crazy women or organize! Which I have been doing a little of ummm ... why WHY !!! ???? I have been talking to myself all day about this. It's driving me crazy. Now I know how "Ruby" feels ( shes on some reality show that my friends watch and shes trying to lose weight or else she'll die) Not that I'm going to die, but man I hate how you have to keep exercising all the time otherwise all your hard work goes away! And while I love being active... sometimes I am too tired, or don't feel good ( Curse of Eve) , or just don't have time! ahhh Confession time: In this last year God has taught me some very eye opening lessons about my fears and Lies that held up walls of protection around my heart from the world. One of those had to do with my weight and my fight to not let the "world" influence my self esteem... but in turn I let myself go, in defiance-but only to my own pain. I really hated being "over weight" but always denied it. Secretly I feared that if I lost weight THEN a man would like me and then I would be so mad that it was being "fat" that had kept men away.... The Lord has begun healing that fear and wound, but it has involved me having to care about my "health" and need for exercise. It has involved me not letting the world influence by me trying to be in my "health" weight instead of my "self indulgent" weight...… See why this is so frustrating for me? I thought I needed to add all that so I didn't come across superficial and dumb.... I think I will be popping gum like crazy till june and will be working out as much as I can-within a healthy rate... I gave up desserts for Lent and me just tell ya it has been my WORST Lent every! I think I have either changed what I was doing or gave in at least 1/2 of the days so far....... ahhhhhh and I LOVE Lent! boo for me