anticipation...

When I was a little girl I would play out side in my "forest" back yard, and there were many a days that i was FILLED with anticipation... ya know that feeling of excitement, that makes ur heart feel full and nervous all at the same time. Even though I was young I knew this feeling needed a reason, something I was IN anticipation for. But I  had none, I would think was there something I forgot about? Is there something thats going to happen? I sometimes would sing a song, or make up a song.. to try and release these feelings. It works... singing I mean. But I always wondered why I felt this.  I rarely get those feelings anymore without reason.  The few times I have had that happen as an adult I was always in nature. Maybe there is some deep connection in my soul to the Creation around me. Maybe thats where God whispers best to my soul.

When I went to college, I was so aware of the amount of cement that was around me. I missed the trees, I missed nature that wasn't planted in a pot, or in a cement block.  I would drive to the beach late alot, late at nite, in the afternoon, on sundays; and I would just sit there and watch and listen. It calmed my soul.  I later found a arboretum  in Fullerton that I really enjoyed walking through. For some reason I just think better, clearer in nature...  

Now that I live in Africa, you think I must have those opportunities all the time. But its not true. Well I mean I do have those opportunities BUT its always WITH someone. The chance to just be ALONE in nature is very rare!  Even in my own backyard there is my gardener hanging about working.   On Sat after my house girl has left around 3, and my gardener is gone I have 3 hours to be by myself out side... sundays is the best b/c no one comes till 6pm.  But even in my beautiful backyard, its still not the same.  

I miss the redwood forests near my dad's house. I miss their smell, and the touch of the old redwood trees. Maybe its because I grew up around them, but whatever reason, my soul finds peace in their midst.  I remember once in High school, I took two of my good friends up with me to the redwoods and was SO excited! It felt like there was magic in the air... the hikes, the fresh air. They liked it, they enjoyed it... but it didn't move them as it did me.  

Call me a tree hugger. 

 They called me "GreenPeace" for a while! haha 

When I studied aboard in Belize for a semester in college. I lived in the rainforest.  It was amazing. I would sit by myself as much as possible just listening!  There was a trail that lead out into the deep rainforest. We weren't suppose to go along b/c of the deadly snakes and such that lives around us...  But I would look down that path and felt as though it was calling to me, as if I followed it I would find some hidden secret in my soul, that Jesus would meet me somewhere in that rainforest.  I walked down it only once alone, I didn't go far before fear stopped me. But I rested on a tree branch and watched leaf cutter ants, in their little lines carrying the leaves back to their home, to grow fungi on to eat... symbiotic relationship... kool stuff.  

I think I will need to marry a field scientist , that can take me with him on all his adventures out in nature =) That or I will need to live near the redwoods again... or the rainforest.