voice..

Today because of a few reasons, one being a cold and the second the circus, I have no voice. I mean I can manage to sound like a 80 year old man that smoked half his life... but it hurts. O and  I had to lead a bible study with high schoolers at lunch. They were like, " you sound like you should be in bed", and  " you sure your not sick?".  In all honest I feel fine, except I can't talk.  This might not seem like a big deal , but for a person like me whose SPIRITUAL GIFT is talking, this is a very difficult day.  When I did speak I spoke softly , almost a whisper, and when I didn't have to speak I didn't.  

I wondered if this is what its like to "not be talkative"? I have no idea why its hard for some people to hold a conversation. But if it takes the effort that its taking me to talk today then I can start to see a bit why they might not talk as much. 

I never have awkward silence in my conversations. why? well b/c theres no need for it. I always feel like conversation flow easy for me. I usually lead convos, but I feel that most people respond positive to the attentiveness. I want people to feel like, I really want to know them, that I want to hear about them. So I talk, I listen, I ask questions. Its not hard. I swear.  

Recently I've been talking to someone that I'm trying to let "lead" the conversation. O HOW AWKWARD it is sometimes!  It doesn't flow, it has awkward silence... alot.  Sometimes I think wow I should just take over this convo. But I don't I think I'm trying to let them lead. 

If conversation doesn't flow well... what does mean? Normally I would be like ok that person is not interesting in knowing me more.... but sometimes people have a hard time leading conversations? I'm trying to convince myself of this... haha b/c Like I said before Its my spiritual gift, talking, and its just so hard for me to understand people who its difficult for.

P.s. I have to lead my Homegroup tonight with my whisper/80 year old man-smoked 1/2 his life voice! BOOO